HAPPI BIRTHDAY CHARMAINE !!!!
hee.. long time since i blogged. Had dinner with cp and char last night. Just a small gathering, eating, joking, crapping, updating, blah blah. lolx.
After which, i went back to dear's hse. Was so frickin tired. zzzzz
Fine's been realli fine and good for mi. Sort of have a little dispute wif dear recently, lotsa mis-communication and misunderstanding, we sort things out though. He said sth that realli touch mi alot, n took him a great deal of courage before he blurted it out to mi. Muahaha. =x
Ooo.. n next thursday i am going into a new company ! I think i am damn lucky to meet the plant manager, he's willing to train mi from scratch, he even told mi after gaining experience, i can just leave the company to go into bigger MNC. lolx. The company is also so welfare lo.. lol.. he stil help mi negiotate for a higher salary above from wat i stated.
I am kinda excited to go, cos i bet i will be learning alot alot of new stuffs. Yeay ! Wish mi Luck ! =)
Sunday, September 25, 2005
Saturday, September 10, 2005
Tuesday, September 06, 2005
I have no idea wat to blog anymore...
Actually there are lotsa things that's on my mind right now, but i cant seems to be able to organise all the cluster in my brain now. The past few weeks were working and meeting up with my dear. Suddenly, i felt so guilty. I havent been spending much time with my mom. I think i should realli do that.
ooo.. Weichang's going Uk this sat, so we had a gathering last sat. But, everything went wrong, it started raining !! No doubt, i was veri veri disappointed. There's nothing i could do anyway.
I wanna get a new job !!! I totally hate my current job & due to tt, i cant seems to find any motivation to go work. Why? cos most of the time, i go n slack. What a waste of time ! I hate having nothing to do.
I kinda think that working is so boring. Or rather, is it my life thats boring. The tot of me doing the same old thing almost everyday a few years down the road leaves me feeling veri dreadful.eeekz!
Never mind about tt. Right now, i think i really need to get some organized work done in my life. Everything's fine, but i stil feel i am a mess. No proper income, so i got to get a better pay and stable job. shooox..
Actually there are lotsa things that's on my mind right now, but i cant seems to be able to organise all the cluster in my brain now. The past few weeks were working and meeting up with my dear. Suddenly, i felt so guilty. I havent been spending much time with my mom. I think i should realli do that.
ooo.. Weichang's going Uk this sat, so we had a gathering last sat. But, everything went wrong, it started raining !! No doubt, i was veri veri disappointed. There's nothing i could do anyway.
I wanna get a new job !!! I totally hate my current job & due to tt, i cant seems to find any motivation to go work. Why? cos most of the time, i go n slack. What a waste of time ! I hate having nothing to do.
I kinda think that working is so boring. Or rather, is it my life thats boring. The tot of me doing the same old thing almost everyday a few years down the road leaves me feeling veri dreadful.eeekz!
Never mind about tt. Right now, i think i really need to get some organized work done in my life. Everything's fine, but i stil feel i am a mess. No proper income, so i got to get a better pay and stable job. shooox..
Saturday, August 27, 2005
Friday, August 26, 2005
I am sick again.. yup, so i stayed at home n rest these two days.. My cough is getting worse. Damn sickening.
Anyway, i seriously have no idea what to say.. No, i should say i have too mani things to say that i dont know where to start from. Ok, for one, I finally met xiao ying ! lol.. actualli she wasnt wat i expected, mayb bcos of the comments rh has on her. But she's definirely a young lady ozing wif confidence. I kind of admire her for that. I felt so kiddy in front of her. Haha. She had this mature and accomplished young lady aura around her. Faintz.
mi, lucas, xiaoying & kelly went to newsroom after dinner. Boy, they really can drink lo. I sat there like a toot head, haha. every time lucas goes to the toilet or was away from us, they both was like telling mi how fine a person he is & tt it is not easy to find such a sweet and simple relationship like urs. Lolx. Yea, i kinda agree on tt. They toast to our long-lasting relationship. Tts so funni !
After which, xiaoying sent all of us home. I was the last to alight so yea, she told mi abt her steps to career success. And i guess the most important thing she told mi is that I got to have confidence in myself and i got to believe that nothing is impossible, there will be miracles.
She told mi that in order to realise the love others have for u, u must learn to love urself first. Sounds familiar? lol.. i told that to Zhen the veri night before this.
Something to be happy about, I finally got my contact lenses ! Hee. After wearing my last pair of monthly disposable lens for dont know how many months, i know its not good. and i got my lens from a new brand - Acuvue Advance. It costs mi a whooping 384 ! so, yea i am broke. But its all for a good cause, gonna take care of my eyes. I was quite skeptical when my optician recommended mi this brand, all good comments on it and she quoted that it totally feels like nothing. Took a long time to decide on it cos the price is kinda steep.
But yet, i decided to give it a try. What she told mi was obsolutely the truth ! it really feels like nothing, and its very very soft ! I am glad my money did not go down the drain. Hee.
Ok. Yesterday, i talked to Ky on the phone. U know wat, I am doubly pissed off by wat his ex did. Its not as if Ky treated her badly, in fact, i think she's so blessed that ky was once her bf. Yes, no one is perfect. But any idiot could see that his love for her was much more geniune that the rest of the other guys. Now i know why all her exs are still tangled in a mess with her. She's simply a bitch. She simply just wouldnt let go. And, she's acting childish and unreasonable, acting as though she's the only person that have the right to be angry. I am damn pissed off by her, and yet i cant do anything to help ky. Well so, ytd i gave ky a piece of my mind. I scolded him, so that hopefully, he wont let the girl make use of him.
Stupid bitch. One fine day, Just one day, u will get ur retribution from all the fooling around.
Or maybe, when u grow up and look back, u will be sad on what kind of person u used to be, and it would forever be an issue on ur regret list.
Anyway, i seriously have no idea what to say.. No, i should say i have too mani things to say that i dont know where to start from. Ok, for one, I finally met xiao ying ! lol.. actualli she wasnt wat i expected, mayb bcos of the comments rh has on her. But she's definirely a young lady ozing wif confidence. I kind of admire her for that. I felt so kiddy in front of her. Haha. She had this mature and accomplished young lady aura around her. Faintz.
mi, lucas, xiaoying & kelly went to newsroom after dinner. Boy, they really can drink lo. I sat there like a toot head, haha. every time lucas goes to the toilet or was away from us, they both was like telling mi how fine a person he is & tt it is not easy to find such a sweet and simple relationship like urs. Lolx. Yea, i kinda agree on tt. They toast to our long-lasting relationship. Tts so funni !
After which, xiaoying sent all of us home. I was the last to alight so yea, she told mi abt her steps to career success. And i guess the most important thing she told mi is that I got to have confidence in myself and i got to believe that nothing is impossible, there will be miracles.
She told mi that in order to realise the love others have for u, u must learn to love urself first. Sounds familiar? lol.. i told that to Zhen the veri night before this.
Something to be happy about, I finally got my contact lenses ! Hee. After wearing my last pair of monthly disposable lens for dont know how many months, i know its not good. and i got my lens from a new brand - Acuvue Advance. It costs mi a whooping 384 ! so, yea i am broke. But its all for a good cause, gonna take care of my eyes. I was quite skeptical when my optician recommended mi this brand, all good comments on it and she quoted that it totally feels like nothing. Took a long time to decide on it cos the price is kinda steep.
But yet, i decided to give it a try. What she told mi was obsolutely the truth ! it really feels like nothing, and its very very soft ! I am glad my money did not go down the drain. Hee.
Ok. Yesterday, i talked to Ky on the phone. U know wat, I am doubly pissed off by wat his ex did. Its not as if Ky treated her badly, in fact, i think she's so blessed that ky was once her bf. Yes, no one is perfect. But any idiot could see that his love for her was much more geniune that the rest of the other guys. Now i know why all her exs are still tangled in a mess with her. She's simply a bitch. She simply just wouldnt let go. And, she's acting childish and unreasonable, acting as though she's the only person that have the right to be angry. I am damn pissed off by her, and yet i cant do anything to help ky. Well so, ytd i gave ky a piece of my mind. I scolded him, so that hopefully, he wont let the girl make use of him.
Stupid bitch. One fine day, Just one day, u will get ur retribution from all the fooling around.
Or maybe, when u grow up and look back, u will be sad on what kind of person u used to be, and it would forever be an issue on ur regret list.
Monday, August 22, 2005
I changed my mind about changing my blog. I am too lazy for that. I guess there's nothing i can do about it. Its my blog, so if u dont like anything written here, kindly hit the small red cross on the top right hand.
All my dear frens, pls kindly have the minimal respect that watever i blog here remains here. It's all purely my tots and feelings and i chose to blog them out to ease the frustration within mi. Seriously, i see no wrong in tt. I am a human who have tots and feelings and i cant control the reaction when you all read them. As what i mentioned in one of my previous entries, all things in life are determined by the 90/10 Principle...
Now, it seems as though I am getting more out of control of my life. I have no idea wat i wanna achieve. I tend to think alot these days, not that it isnt something good, but too much thinking sure can drive people nuts.
oh.. watever..
Last weekend, i met up wif my poly classmates and sec sch frens.. I had a new haircut and so, it equals to a new mi I guess. All said i looked very different. Yup, I wanna be different. From now on, i must have a stronger personality, i must not let people climb over my head. At the same time, I must treat my loved ones for example my mom better. I must be alittle more "clever", in terms of - I should treat those whu treated mi well.. I know i kinda changed, but i hate people who take mi for granted and i am not going to be so stupid to let that happen again.
Notice that i did not quote my brother under my loved ones.. Well, simply bcos i think he doesnt give a damn about mi. The other day, his childhood fren, Kengyang came over. It suddenly dawned onto mi that Kengyang was more like a brother to mi. He even msg mi asking mi to be careful when i am going out.
20 years of blood relationship, n i did not receive any of those kind from him. Tell mi, How the heck am i supposed to feel close to him?
Never mind about that. The other day, I managed to clear things up with him. I cried alot, bcos I felt hurt by the way he handle things. And the next day, he proved to mi that he is not responsible even to account for himself. Its scary to think of it, how am i supposed to feel secure? Then again, I love him so much that I think i could never let him go..
oh.. brudders..
All my dear frens, pls kindly have the minimal respect that watever i blog here remains here. It's all purely my tots and feelings and i chose to blog them out to ease the frustration within mi. Seriously, i see no wrong in tt. I am a human who have tots and feelings and i cant control the reaction when you all read them. As what i mentioned in one of my previous entries, all things in life are determined by the 90/10 Principle...
Now, it seems as though I am getting more out of control of my life. I have no idea wat i wanna achieve. I tend to think alot these days, not that it isnt something good, but too much thinking sure can drive people nuts.
oh.. watever..
Last weekend, i met up wif my poly classmates and sec sch frens.. I had a new haircut and so, it equals to a new mi I guess. All said i looked very different. Yup, I wanna be different. From now on, i must have a stronger personality, i must not let people climb over my head. At the same time, I must treat my loved ones for example my mom better. I must be alittle more "clever", in terms of - I should treat those whu treated mi well.. I know i kinda changed, but i hate people who take mi for granted and i am not going to be so stupid to let that happen again.
Notice that i did not quote my brother under my loved ones.. Well, simply bcos i think he doesnt give a damn about mi. The other day, his childhood fren, Kengyang came over. It suddenly dawned onto mi that Kengyang was more like a brother to mi. He even msg mi asking mi to be careful when i am going out.
20 years of blood relationship, n i did not receive any of those kind from him. Tell mi, How the heck am i supposed to feel close to him?
Never mind about that. The other day, I managed to clear things up with him. I cried alot, bcos I felt hurt by the way he handle things. And the next day, he proved to mi that he is not responsible even to account for himself. Its scary to think of it, how am i supposed to feel secure? Then again, I love him so much that I think i could never let him go..
oh.. brudders..
Friday, August 19, 2005
I am in my pesky moods right now !!! I did not go work today cos i overslept... n i am glad i did.. i just need some time alone..
this is the last post for this blog..
Sorrie ppl.. gonna go private... dont even bother come asking mi
if i wanna say i will tell u automatically..
Why did i even post a blog online.. tts cos i am lazy to get a diary..
and most of my frens knows tt not everyone in my circle of frens have the address..
Shouldnt i get a little respect when i entrust the address to my frens?
Ytd after my work, i met up wif beng, elaine, wee, rh, cindy and dill at clementi for dinner..
Just a question.. why is it always mi??
Doesnt means tt i am always smiling means tt u all can climb over my head n say wat u all wan...
Everyone has their own limits.. I just dont wan to arrive at a time where i flare from the snowballing effect.. I can go crazy.. just like wat happened betw mi n my mom..
u can say i m petty.. but u urself should know whu is more..
u can say its all a joke.. but let mi tell u this... a joke is not a joke anymore if it is always mention.. n when it goes overboard..
Why did i overslept today?
cos i slept veri late last night.. I was thinking.. I cant blog everything out.. though i wanted to.. cos i feel tt any moment i might just explode..
Waited so late for a phone call.. my eyes were so sore alreadi.. I ought to be slping rite? but yet i stil waited.. n i received it.. oh yea ! i should be happi rite?
all i heard was some high n almost seh voice..
u know wat.. i am veri disappointed.. I tot u were so diff.. Mayb i expected too much.. all i wan is just some respect at least informing mi of ur whereabouts before doing anything.. n i am not a difficult woman.. i m ok wif everything.. u should know it..
Guys will always be guys hur....
this is the last post for this blog..
Sorrie ppl.. gonna go private... dont even bother come asking mi
if i wanna say i will tell u automatically..
Why did i even post a blog online.. tts cos i am lazy to get a diary..
and most of my frens knows tt not everyone in my circle of frens have the address..
Shouldnt i get a little respect when i entrust the address to my frens?
Ytd after my work, i met up wif beng, elaine, wee, rh, cindy and dill at clementi for dinner..
Just a question.. why is it always mi??
Doesnt means tt i am always smiling means tt u all can climb over my head n say wat u all wan...
Everyone has their own limits.. I just dont wan to arrive at a time where i flare from the snowballing effect.. I can go crazy.. just like wat happened betw mi n my mom..
u can say i m petty.. but u urself should know whu is more..
u can say its all a joke.. but let mi tell u this... a joke is not a joke anymore if it is always mention.. n when it goes overboard..
Why did i overslept today?
cos i slept veri late last night.. I was thinking.. I cant blog everything out.. though i wanted to.. cos i feel tt any moment i might just explode..
Waited so late for a phone call.. my eyes were so sore alreadi.. I ought to be slping rite? but yet i stil waited.. n i received it.. oh yea ! i should be happi rite?
all i heard was some high n almost seh voice..
u know wat.. i am veri disappointed.. I tot u were so diff.. Mayb i expected too much.. all i wan is just some respect at least informing mi of ur whereabouts before doing anything.. n i am not a difficult woman.. i m ok wif everything.. u should know it..
Guys will always be guys hur....
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
hehe.. i did a new blogskin all by myself !!!
cool hor ! Its all about mi n dear haha..
anyway i m just back from sushi!! yummilicious..
tot i wont be meeting up wif my dear for these few days le..
His stupid camp got live firing.. Ji dan.. lol..
But i stil managed to see him!! cos he finished everything early..
Haiz.. My slipper broke again.. Great rite?
Its like dont know how mani times le.. Faintz.. Had to go around looking for my shoes..
I know Dear's veri veri veri hungry le.. cos he looks veri restles.. Ops.. Sorrie wor..
Met up wif Spenc, Wee and Charlene at Funan..
Bth that Spencer.. Laugh until my stomach veri pain lo...
But dont dare say out.. if not my Dear's gonna scold mi again..
Hee..
Wah.. He realli fiercer to mi le.. Ji Dan !! lolx..
But i know he is not.. cos everytime he tries to look angry.. he is smiling in his eyes.. haha.. its so funni ! I am gonna snap it down next time ! Hehe..
//Will u love mi till the end of time?
Can i be selfish and stop the time?
So that i will always be loved by u..
cool hor ! Its all about mi n dear haha..
anyway i m just back from sushi!! yummilicious..
tot i wont be meeting up wif my dear for these few days le..
His stupid camp got live firing.. Ji dan.. lol..
But i stil managed to see him!! cos he finished everything early..
Haiz.. My slipper broke again.. Great rite?
Its like dont know how mani times le.. Faintz.. Had to go around looking for my shoes..
I know Dear's veri veri veri hungry le.. cos he looks veri restles.. Ops.. Sorrie wor..
Met up wif Spenc, Wee and Charlene at Funan..
Bth that Spencer.. Laugh until my stomach veri pain lo...
But dont dare say out.. if not my Dear's gonna scold mi again..
Hee..
Wah.. He realli fiercer to mi le.. Ji Dan !! lolx..
But i know he is not.. cos everytime he tries to look angry.. he is smiling in his eyes.. haha.. its so funni ! I am gonna snap it down next time ! Hehe..
//Will u love mi till the end of time?
Can i be selfish and stop the time?
So that i will always be loved by u..
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
lol.. taken from charlene's gal blog.. cos i think its interesting.. Muahaha.. a series of "If I were"
If I were a month I would be: erm..October!
If I were a day of the week I would be: Friday! Last day of work..
If I were a time of day I would be: Dinner time? dunno..
If I were a planet I would be: earth ba..
If I were a animal I would be: erm.. doggie! cos my dear loves dog.. so means he loves mi too! haha..
If I were a insect I would be: ee.. i dont wanna be an insect.. yucks !
If I were a direction I would be: eh? up! dont ask mi why..
If I were a piece of furniture I would be: A big comfy cotton king size bed!
If I were a historical figure I would be: dont know la.. siao..
If I were a liquid I would be: plain water
If I were a tree I would be: coconut tree ! cos if i see anyone disturb mi.. i will just drop the coconuts onto their heads ! muahaha..
If I were a flower/plant I would be: white roses.. they are beautiful (i want to be beautiful also!) haha..
If I were a kind of weather I would be: bright n sunny weather.. my Fav!
If I were a musical instrument I would be: my piano in my room..
If I were an emotion I would be: erm..the emotions of a psycho? i wan to know n understand wats in their minds haha..
If I were a color I would be: pure white..
If I were a vegetable I would be: baby tomato ! cos it looks cute!
If I were a fruit I would be: mango! my dear loves them.. haha
If I were a sound I would be: the sound of harp.. it magically can calm ppl down..
If I were an element I would be: carbon! cos it can do alot of wonders!
If I were a car I would be: Lamborghini! chio! lolx..
If I were a song I would be: Come What May.. I super love this song!
If I were a movie I would be directed by: erm.. Lucas Chan! Muahaha..
If I were a book I would be written by: Lame.. -_-
If I were a food I would be: Sushi.. Hehe..
If I were a drink I would be: Orange Juice
If I were a place I would be: Kai Xin's Paradise.. lolx..
If I were a material I would be: Silk.. Satin.. Love the feel.. =)
If I were a taste I would be: eh.. Spicy Hot ! haha..
If I were a scent I would be: Ralph Lauren Romance for Ladies..
If I were a word I would be: I.. its the most common & useful word..
If I were an object I would be: My piano..
If I were a body part I would be: The eyes !!!
If I were a facial expression I would be: My smile.. n onli my smile ! haha.. cos i love my smile (^o^)
If I were a cartoon character I would be: Sakura! she's got beautiful clothes..
If I were a shape I would be a: Star... Hee.. Beautiful..
If I were a number I would be: 2!! dont ask why.. its my fav..
If I were a toy I would be: erm.. i dont wan to be toy.. doesnt sounds nice..
If I were a brand I would be: haha.. My Brand !
If I were a country I would be: Hawaii (tts not a country rite) watever..
If I were a light I would be: Sunlight !!
If I were a somebody I would be: Noone.. I dont wan to be somebody else.. cos my dear onli loves mi n onli mi! haha..
kk.. end of the crazy n bo liao answers.. lol..
If I were a month I would be: erm..October!
If I were a day of the week I would be: Friday! Last day of work..
If I were a time of day I would be: Dinner time? dunno..
If I were a planet I would be: earth ba..
If I were a animal I would be: erm.. doggie! cos my dear loves dog.. so means he loves mi too! haha..
If I were a insect I would be: ee.. i dont wanna be an insect.. yucks !
If I were a direction I would be: eh? up! dont ask mi why..
If I were a piece of furniture I would be: A big comfy cotton king size bed!
If I were a historical figure I would be: dont know la.. siao..
If I were a liquid I would be: plain water
If I were a tree I would be: coconut tree ! cos if i see anyone disturb mi.. i will just drop the coconuts onto their heads ! muahaha..
If I were a flower/plant I would be: white roses.. they are beautiful (i want to be beautiful also!) haha..
If I were a kind of weather I would be: bright n sunny weather.. my Fav!
If I were a musical instrument I would be: my piano in my room..
If I were an emotion I would be: erm..the emotions of a psycho? i wan to know n understand wats in their minds haha..
If I were a color I would be: pure white..
If I were a vegetable I would be: baby tomato ! cos it looks cute!
If I were a fruit I would be: mango! my dear loves them.. haha
If I were a sound I would be: the sound of harp.. it magically can calm ppl down..
If I were an element I would be: carbon! cos it can do alot of wonders!
If I were a car I would be: Lamborghini! chio! lolx..
If I were a song I would be: Come What May.. I super love this song!
If I were a movie I would be directed by: erm.. Lucas Chan! Muahaha..
If I were a book I would be written by: Lame.. -_-
If I were a food I would be: Sushi.. Hehe..
If I were a drink I would be: Orange Juice
If I were a place I would be: Kai Xin's Paradise.. lolx..
If I were a material I would be: Silk.. Satin.. Love the feel.. =)
If I were a taste I would be: eh.. Spicy Hot ! haha..
If I were a scent I would be: Ralph Lauren Romance for Ladies..
If I were a word I would be: I.. its the most common & useful word..
If I were an object I would be: My piano..
If I were a body part I would be: The eyes !!!
If I were a facial expression I would be: My smile.. n onli my smile ! haha.. cos i love my smile (^o^)
If I were a cartoon character I would be: Sakura! she's got beautiful clothes..
If I were a shape I would be a: Star... Hee.. Beautiful..
If I were a number I would be: 2!! dont ask why.. its my fav..
If I were a toy I would be: erm.. i dont wan to be toy.. doesnt sounds nice..
If I were a brand I would be: haha.. My Brand !
If I were a country I would be: Hawaii (tts not a country rite) watever..
If I were a light I would be: Sunlight !!
If I were a somebody I would be: Noone.. I dont wan to be somebody else.. cos my dear onli loves mi n onli mi! haha..
kk.. end of the crazy n bo liao answers.. lol..
Monday, August 15, 2005
I just got something to say...
I Love My Dear so much !
Its as if some confessions.. lolx..
Kinda had some misunderstanding with him.. I made him angry.. n i know its entirely my fault.. Everything's resolve.. =)
Both of us think that there's really something wrong with mi recently.. Its as though i got split personality.. I can just be quiet suddenly..
Mayb I am just bothered by my family.. I am so glad that he is there to support mi and shower mi with all his never-ending love during this time..
After a serious tot about wat the hell is wrong with mi this morning..
I voiced out watever's on my mind the first thing when i woke up..
I am just afraid that I might take him for granted in the future..
n I realised something.. all these mths.. I have been whinning about all the mishaps in life.. Mayb its time i do something about it.. Everything is in my control..
If i want a better life and a better family, I have to work hard towards it..
n of cos i want to be a better gf for him, I got to pull myself together..
Yup ! No more whinning ! (Mayb jus an occasion of venting, tt will do)
//
Anyway, meet my boi after my work today.. Acc him to the doc.. cos my dear baobei's got rashes!! =( Veri sian to see him getting frustrated over the itchiness & i dont know wat to do..
To make things worse, I wont be able to see him and take care of him for the next 3 days.. sad.. so I made him promise that he would eat his med on time n drink lotsa water,etc.
Acc him to pack his stuffs back camp.. Stupid boi.. Play with my hair clip.. Ha.. got scolding from his mom cos he keep disturbing mi.. lolx..
Went to buy some stuffs n back home !.. zzz
// Its bcos of your love, that i start to realise myself..
n bcos of this realization, that i want to change myself..
Not for you, but for myself
bcos I want to create a beautiful future for us..
I Love My Dear so much !
Its as if some confessions.. lolx..
Kinda had some misunderstanding with him.. I made him angry.. n i know its entirely my fault.. Everything's resolve.. =)
Both of us think that there's really something wrong with mi recently.. Its as though i got split personality.. I can just be quiet suddenly..
Mayb I am just bothered by my family.. I am so glad that he is there to support mi and shower mi with all his never-ending love during this time..
After a serious tot about wat the hell is wrong with mi this morning..
I voiced out watever's on my mind the first thing when i woke up..
I am just afraid that I might take him for granted in the future..
n I realised something.. all these mths.. I have been whinning about all the mishaps in life.. Mayb its time i do something about it.. Everything is in my control..
If i want a better life and a better family, I have to work hard towards it..
n of cos i want to be a better gf for him, I got to pull myself together..
Yup ! No more whinning ! (Mayb jus an occasion of venting, tt will do)
//
Anyway, meet my boi after my work today.. Acc him to the doc.. cos my dear baobei's got rashes!! =( Veri sian to see him getting frustrated over the itchiness & i dont know wat to do..
To make things worse, I wont be able to see him and take care of him for the next 3 days.. sad.. so I made him promise that he would eat his med on time n drink lotsa water,etc.
Acc him to pack his stuffs back camp.. Stupid boi.. Play with my hair clip.. Ha.. got scolding from his mom cos he keep disturbing mi.. lolx..
Went to buy some stuffs n back home !.. zzz
// Its bcos of your love, that i start to realise myself..
n bcos of this realization, that i want to change myself..
Not for you, but for myself
bcos I want to create a beautiful future for us..
Tuesday, August 09, 2005
Time for some updates.. Away with all the unhappy moments.. was just browsing thru my phone.. so uploaded some pictures..
At clementi pool centre some time ago..
see tt weird being behind mi slping?
and now he's trying to eat mi up !!!
Hee.. now thats a normal photo.
ooo.. spencer is aiming at mi !!! shit..
Think i wasnt blogging normally for the past few days isnt it?
Well, was in a veri down period of time.. but i got over it.. with the help of my frenz and my darling.. I know he's trying hard to be here for mi.. cos he's busy wif his work as well..
Actually, the one wif the most credit is a book lol.. i read an inspiring book.. the author realli make mi sort out all my tots.. and i look at troubles in a diff way now.. They come... and yes.. they will go away too.. so the key is how to make them go away faster and in the meantime survive this period..
A very brillant book.. its wif Spencer now.. cos i tot he might like to read it.. lol.. he says its a great book! haha..
I really couldnt really rem wat happened.. lets start wif thursday..
//Thursday
i guess i was really in one of my foul moods.. couldnt understand why.. not in the mood to even pick up my dear's calls..
so i made him quite worried.. n he tot tt he was a lousy bf cos he couldnt be there for mi..
Well, i told myself.. after a night's rest i will be ok..
//Friday
resolved everything wif dear.. I guess i realli was honest wif him.. i realli told him wat i feel.. But that did not spark off any argument, =)
went home after work.. dead tired.. couldnt meet up wif him.. cos he got to watch a soccer match as instructed by his camp.. dumb sia.
But nevertheless, he stil came down to find mi after tt.. so i accompanied him to dinner.. hee.. and last min.. i asked him to go out.. cos erm.. well.. i just feel like going out.. lol..
we went to ktv.. and he's hooked onto a new song.. lol..
//Saturday
stupid.. i wasted one whole damn day.. why? cos my father did not keep up wif his words.. he wasnt home at all.. n no words from him.. idiot..
I woke up early in the morning wif dear.. and he send mi home..
and yet i rot at home the whole day just to get the feeling of being dua..
in the end.. after some discussion wif wee.. we suggested going over to jerm's hse to stayover.. But last min just as i was abt to leave the hse.. its cancelled... then its changed to spencer's hse..
went to eat dim sum ! yummi.. lol.. n was discussing wif feng shui wif wee n spencer.. before long.. all of us ko le.. zzzz
//Sunday
woke up damn early ... faintz.. cos spenc need to work..
so i went over dear's place.. haha.. he look so gong when he just woke up.. Muahaha.. so funni !!!
woke up in the afternoon n accompanied him to his soccer match.. i wasnt looking at him play at all.. cos i dont understand n i dont know where is he.. haha.. so i just sat there reading magz.. lol..
Dear cook fried rice for mi !! haha.. yummi.. =) slacked awhile at his place then i went home ... yawnz ...
//Monday
Boring day at work.. due to the shifting.. work is at a super slow pace this week.. n i bth man !
went over to our new office during lunch.. n i get to choose my seat.. ahha.. chose a seat in a secluded area away from my boss !! Muahaha.. and my colleagues treated mi to lunch..kaoz.. i feel so pampered by them sia..
went back and continue packing our stuffs.. last min suddenly there's another whole cabinet of documents not packed.. i nearly fainted man..
after work.. met up wif dear at bouna vista.. went up to ronghua's hse.. then mi rh cindy n dear went over to blk 40 to meet up wif the rest..
went to partyworld..
Pictures !!
haha.. i like this photo !!! see tt stupid dear of mine behind mi.. lol..
Lingzi !!! She zhi nian.. lolz..
Mi n Lingzi !!! Sweetz ritez.. =)
thats mi !! lolx.. =p
my dear singing..lol.. he sing until veri tou ru hor!
mi... my dear singing.. wee... n zz's shoes?
marcus n zz... haha... this photo is funni..
mi n dear went off early.. cos my eyes were not feeling veri dry..
//Tuesday
----Happi National's Day----
haha.. my dear said that i was having nightmare last night.. lolx..
woke up veri early, accompany him to work.. lol..
Slp the whole day.. lol.. and now, i am all alone at home... My dear's involved in National Day..
My jaw hurts like hell.. its like swollen.. lol.. think its heatiness...
faintz..
..I miss my dear..
At clementi pool centre some time ago..
see tt weird being behind mi slping?
and now he's trying to eat mi up !!!
Hee.. now thats a normal photo.
ooo.. spencer is aiming at mi !!! shit..
Think i wasnt blogging normally for the past few days isnt it?
Well, was in a veri down period of time.. but i got over it.. with the help of my frenz and my darling.. I know he's trying hard to be here for mi.. cos he's busy wif his work as well..
Actually, the one wif the most credit is a book lol.. i read an inspiring book.. the author realli make mi sort out all my tots.. and i look at troubles in a diff way now.. They come... and yes.. they will go away too.. so the key is how to make them go away faster and in the meantime survive this period..
A very brillant book.. its wif Spencer now.. cos i tot he might like to read it.. lol.. he says its a great book! haha..
I really couldnt really rem wat happened.. lets start wif thursday..
//Thursday
i guess i was really in one of my foul moods.. couldnt understand why.. not in the mood to even pick up my dear's calls..
so i made him quite worried.. n he tot tt he was a lousy bf cos he couldnt be there for mi..
Well, i told myself.. after a night's rest i will be ok..
//Friday
resolved everything wif dear.. I guess i realli was honest wif him.. i realli told him wat i feel.. But that did not spark off any argument, =)
went home after work.. dead tired.. couldnt meet up wif him.. cos he got to watch a soccer match as instructed by his camp.. dumb sia.
But nevertheless, he stil came down to find mi after tt.. so i accompanied him to dinner.. hee.. and last min.. i asked him to go out.. cos erm.. well.. i just feel like going out.. lol..
we went to ktv.. and he's hooked onto a new song.. lol..
//Saturday
stupid.. i wasted one whole damn day.. why? cos my father did not keep up wif his words.. he wasnt home at all.. n no words from him.. idiot..
I woke up early in the morning wif dear.. and he send mi home..
and yet i rot at home the whole day just to get the feeling of being dua..
in the end.. after some discussion wif wee.. we suggested going over to jerm's hse to stayover.. But last min just as i was abt to leave the hse.. its cancelled... then its changed to spencer's hse..
went to eat dim sum ! yummi.. lol.. n was discussing wif feng shui wif wee n spencer.. before long.. all of us ko le.. zzzz
//Sunday
woke up damn early ... faintz.. cos spenc need to work..
so i went over dear's place.. haha.. he look so gong when he just woke up.. Muahaha.. so funni !!!
woke up in the afternoon n accompanied him to his soccer match.. i wasnt looking at him play at all.. cos i dont understand n i dont know where is he.. haha.. so i just sat there reading magz.. lol..
Dear cook fried rice for mi !! haha.. yummi.. =) slacked awhile at his place then i went home ... yawnz ...
//Monday
Boring day at work.. due to the shifting.. work is at a super slow pace this week.. n i bth man !
went over to our new office during lunch.. n i get to choose my seat.. ahha.. chose a seat in a secluded area away from my boss !! Muahaha.. and my colleagues treated mi to lunch..kaoz.. i feel so pampered by them sia..
went back and continue packing our stuffs.. last min suddenly there's another whole cabinet of documents not packed.. i nearly fainted man..
after work.. met up wif dear at bouna vista.. went up to ronghua's hse.. then mi rh cindy n dear went over to blk 40 to meet up wif the rest..
went to partyworld..
Pictures !!
haha.. i like this photo !!! see tt stupid dear of mine behind mi.. lol..
Lingzi !!! She zhi nian.. lolz..
Mi n Lingzi !!! Sweetz ritez.. =)
thats mi !! lolx.. =p
my dear singing..lol.. he sing until veri tou ru hor!
mi... my dear singing.. wee... n zz's shoes?
marcus n zz... haha... this photo is funni..
mi n dear went off early.. cos my eyes were not feeling veri dry..
//Tuesday
----Happi National's Day----
haha.. my dear said that i was having nightmare last night.. lolx..
woke up veri early, accompany him to work.. lol..
Slp the whole day.. lol.. and now, i am all alone at home... My dear's involved in National Day..
My jaw hurts like hell.. its like swollen.. lol.. think its heatiness...
faintz..
..I miss my dear..
Sunday, August 07, 2005
I AM DAMN FRUSTRATED NOW !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ARRRGGGH.. I JUST WANNA VENT ALL MY FRUSTRATION ON MY BLOG.. COS THERE'S NO ONE THERE TO HEAR MI OUT...
NOW MY PHONE IS GONE.. ALL BCOS OF MY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE BROTHER...
AND THE COM CAN BARELY FUNCTION AT A NORMAL SPEED.. ALL BCOS OF HIM !!!!!!!!! ANY IDIOT WILL KNOW TT A COMPUTER DEFINITELY WONT HAVE THE CAPACITY TO HOUSE 4 HARD DISK.. AND HE JUST PUT ALL OF THEM IN... WHY?? WHY IS HE SO BRAINLESS.....!!!!
IMAGINE MY FRUSTRATION WHEN I COME BACK AFTER A LONG WEEKEND, TO FIND MY PHONE GONE AND MY COM IN ITS CRAZY STATE...
I REALLI FEEL LIKE MURDERING SOMEONE NOW... IF HE WAS TO BE PRESENT NOW.. I M SURE I WILL JUST THROW STH RIGHT SMACK IN HIS FACE..
PUT UP WIF ALL YOUR NONSENSE... ITS TIME TO GROW UP.. DONT U THINK?? STIL TT STUPID N SILLY KID LEAVING IN UR WORLD?? ITS NO WONDER U CANT GET A GF... WIF A CHARACTER LIKE URS.. NO ONE CAN STAND U.......
&*^$*&#^&tg98UR9&*(@#g&#t&&*^@^#@br&^t&^t g##(*&*&$& @y&@^#&@*&b*&$^$$
k.. enough of venting... the above is purely my frustration vent on it.. i send out a msg to him.. scolding him on how inconsiderate he is.. and just as i guessed, he dare not reply.. bcos i can realli get mean and heartless if u really go beyond my limit...
so, dont ever try my limit.. i think i might just murder someone in the future.. bcos of the snow-balling frustration tt keeps building within mi over the years...
right.. i m just frustrated n out of my mind..
ARRRGGGH.. I JUST WANNA VENT ALL MY FRUSTRATION ON MY BLOG.. COS THERE'S NO ONE THERE TO HEAR MI OUT...
NOW MY PHONE IS GONE.. ALL BCOS OF MY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE BROTHER...
AND THE COM CAN BARELY FUNCTION AT A NORMAL SPEED.. ALL BCOS OF HIM !!!!!!!!! ANY IDIOT WILL KNOW TT A COMPUTER DEFINITELY WONT HAVE THE CAPACITY TO HOUSE 4 HARD DISK.. AND HE JUST PUT ALL OF THEM IN... WHY?? WHY IS HE SO BRAINLESS.....!!!!
IMAGINE MY FRUSTRATION WHEN I COME BACK AFTER A LONG WEEKEND, TO FIND MY PHONE GONE AND MY COM IN ITS CRAZY STATE...
I REALLI FEEL LIKE MURDERING SOMEONE NOW... IF HE WAS TO BE PRESENT NOW.. I M SURE I WILL JUST THROW STH RIGHT SMACK IN HIS FACE..
PUT UP WIF ALL YOUR NONSENSE... ITS TIME TO GROW UP.. DONT U THINK?? STIL TT STUPID N SILLY KID LEAVING IN UR WORLD?? ITS NO WONDER U CANT GET A GF... WIF A CHARACTER LIKE URS.. NO ONE CAN STAND U.......
&*^$*&#^&tg98UR9&*(@#g&#t&&*^@^#@br&^t&^t g##(*&*&$& @y&@^#&@*&b*&$^$$
k.. enough of venting... the above is purely my frustration vent on it.. i send out a msg to him.. scolding him on how inconsiderate he is.. and just as i guessed, he dare not reply.. bcos i can realli get mean and heartless if u really go beyond my limit...
so, dont ever try my limit.. i think i might just murder someone in the future.. bcos of the snow-balling frustration tt keeps building within mi over the years...
right.. i m just frustrated n out of my mind..
Thursday, August 04, 2005
Stupid day..
Busy day..
Stupid work..
Stupid boss..
Stupid shifting..
Stupid files..
Stupid company..
Stupid cramps..
I am really having some stupid life..
I am having stupid attitude recently..
I know i am closing myself up.. bcos of the hurt i keep receiving.. I wanna protect myself.. I dont wanna be hurt anymore.. So whoever that comes asking wat happens to mi.. Thanks for being concerned..
Ky : I know u meant well.. Its been a long time since we caught up wif each other.. I know u are concerned.. kept probing mi why am i so closed up.. why am i so negative to life now..
I know i made u feel useless as a fren.. but i just dont wish to say..
Thanks so much for being there for mi.. Thanks for making the effort to at least sound mi out.. asking why i am so sian n all.. appreciate it.. I will keep u, this great fren, forever in my heart.. =)
Cs : Ha.. dont say i did not mention u.. certified my loyal blog reader ar.. Anyway, thanks so much for ur encouraging words.. Know tt u care.. and wo xin ling le..
For everyone else whu did wonder or ask : Dont even bother coming to ask.. cos I wont say..
Sad to say.. I dont realli trust anyone anymore.. So i have only myself to pull myself up.. I believe i can do it.. Right now, I just wanna have some quiet time to myself.. I am really tired of my life.. I am tired of myself.. My attitude.. my character.. everything about mi.. I realli need some time to "restructure" my inner-self..
I need to get the positive mi back..
I need to get the cheerful mi back..
I need to get the kind mi back..
I need to get the forgiving, motherly mi back..
I need to get rid of the negative mi..
I need to get rid of the dull and grumpy mi..
I need to get rid of the rude and unpleasant mi..
I need to get rid of the villain mi..
Where are all my virtues gone !!!???
n i hope this coming weekend wont be terrible..
Busy day..
Stupid work..
Stupid boss..
Stupid shifting..
Stupid files..
Stupid company..
Stupid cramps..
I am really having some stupid life..
I am having stupid attitude recently..
I know i am closing myself up.. bcos of the hurt i keep receiving.. I wanna protect myself.. I dont wanna be hurt anymore.. So whoever that comes asking wat happens to mi.. Thanks for being concerned..
Ky : I know u meant well.. Its been a long time since we caught up wif each other.. I know u are concerned.. kept probing mi why am i so closed up.. why am i so negative to life now..
I know i made u feel useless as a fren.. but i just dont wish to say..
Thanks so much for being there for mi.. Thanks for making the effort to at least sound mi out.. asking why i am so sian n all.. appreciate it.. I will keep u, this great fren, forever in my heart.. =)
Cs : Ha.. dont say i did not mention u.. certified my loyal blog reader ar.. Anyway, thanks so much for ur encouraging words.. Know tt u care.. and wo xin ling le..
For everyone else whu did wonder or ask : Dont even bother coming to ask.. cos I wont say..
Sad to say.. I dont realli trust anyone anymore.. So i have only myself to pull myself up.. I believe i can do it.. Right now, I just wanna have some quiet time to myself.. I am really tired of my life.. I am tired of myself.. My attitude.. my character.. everything about mi.. I realli need some time to "restructure" my inner-self..
I need to get the positive mi back..
I need to get the cheerful mi back..
I need to get the kind mi back..
I need to get the forgiving, motherly mi back..
I need to get rid of the negative mi..
I need to get rid of the dull and grumpy mi..
I need to get rid of the rude and unpleasant mi..
I need to get rid of the villain mi..
Where are all my virtues gone !!!???
n i hope this coming weekend wont be terrible..
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
took a day off ytd.. overslept.. so freaking tired..
but actualli its cos my dear also off ! haha.. wanna spend time wif him.. hee..
Practically did nth the whole day.. He watching Naruto.. and i slping..
zzzzzz..
Today's a busy day at work.. Susie's no longer wif us.. so it means no one there for mi to consult if i meet up wif difficulties.. I dont wanna ask boss cos everytime i ask him.. he sure say dont know ask mi solve myself.. -_-"" comparing the amt of time he had been on the job?
Met up wif my dear for dinner.. He got rashes.. damn.. realli dont know wat i can do to help.. kinda helpless..
got home.. talked to rh.. was thinking about wat happened for the past few weeks and months.. kind of reflecting on my life, my attitude everything.. I feel miserable that some things are beyond my control.. But i'm gonna learn from the setbacks and make each experience count..
Right now.. i think i am a lousy gf... a lousy daughter.... a lousy fren...
but actualli its cos my dear also off ! haha.. wanna spend time wif him.. hee..
Practically did nth the whole day.. He watching Naruto.. and i slping..
zzzzzz..
Today's a busy day at work.. Susie's no longer wif us.. so it means no one there for mi to consult if i meet up wif difficulties.. I dont wanna ask boss cos everytime i ask him.. he sure say dont know ask mi solve myself.. -_-"" comparing the amt of time he had been on the job?
Met up wif my dear for dinner.. He got rashes.. damn.. realli dont know wat i can do to help.. kinda helpless..
got home.. talked to rh.. was thinking about wat happened for the past few weeks and months.. kind of reflecting on my life, my attitude everything.. I feel miserable that some things are beyond my control.. But i'm gonna learn from the setbacks and make each experience count..
Right now.. i think i am a lousy gf... a lousy daughter.... a lousy fren...
Sunday, July 31, 2005
//Friday
One word to sum up tt day, BAD
After the horrible incident, went to work half heartedly..
eyes were so sore that i had to wear my specs.. was totalli in a sian mood.. dear called mi after lunch.. and i poured out everything to him.. to the extent that i was crying in the office.. I told him that i was in a super bad mood tt day.. so whoever comes to tease mi or disturb mi sure get a hell of scolding from mi.. plus he wont be joining us for dinner.. so there's no one there who can make mi smile..
But indeed, after toking to him.. i was ok.. Called him happily after my work.. he made mi veri touched.. he actualli called rh just to inform him tt i am in a bad mood so dont keep disturbing mi.. but in the end rh not going cos he's sick..
Suddenly, i realised tt my dear wans the best for mi.. he would do almost everything just to make mi happi.. I feel so stupid thinking tt way ytd.. But in the end, i stil know how much i meant to him and how much he meant to mi.. its just the emotional and negative mi taking over ytd.. so.. haha.. stupid mi...
went to meet up wif spencer at Funan.. On the way there, i chance upon this veri rude auntie.. was damn pissed off..
spencer managed to make mi laugh till i forgot my worries la.. he jitao lame like shit lo.. -_-
Meet up wif biwei and charlene, off we went to citylink.. cos i keep niaming tt i wanna get sth for my dear.. actualli aim veri long le.. but my plans always got spoil by tt boi.. -_- so finalli can go buy le.. haha..
went over to meet up wif the rest.. details not to be mentioned.. cos i also dont know how to elaborate..
went over to can cafe to chit chat.. but in the end, left onli mi hanz and spencer.. haha.. realli did talk abt some interesting topics wif them.. this time on more serious stuffs like social manners, psychology, slping manners, listeners, etc..
so sad tt i did not see my dear tt day.. =(
//Saturday
slept all the way till 3 in the afternoon..
was alreadi awake le.. but i was playing wif my dear's phone n i just dont wanna go out wif my room..
woke up and met up wif wee, spencer, rh and cindy at bugis.. had dinner and went over to can cafe chit chat again..
Decided to go over my hse stay tt night.. dont feel like staying at home.. but the main reasons is tt i wanna spend more time wif him.. lol..
Anyway, rh explained to mi wat he said to dear tt day..
saying tt in the near future.. i would be more playful and would not wan to be tied down by him.. -_-
lol.. i just told him mayb.. cos i find it kinda pointless to explain to him and i also dont know how to explain the feeling inside mi.. so haha.. dont care..
Actualli, all the while was hoping tt my dear would call mi so he could join us.. then he realli called !! lol.. pass him the singlet tt i bought for him.. haha.. =p
//Sunday
woke up and rushed home.. cos meeting up wif cp..
kinda sad to see my mom and bro quarreling the moment i got home.. i jitao bo hui.. changed packed my stuffs and went off le..
Went to watch the island wif my dear... its a damn freaking fantastic show !! u all should go watch it.. highly recommended... nice plot.. nice characters.. nice visual effects.. it might seems boring to some as its kinda abt dna, clones thingy.. but the story line is well-written.. entertaining to every small part..
went to holland v n get naruto cd from rh before going for dinner..
After wards.. its home time.. tired... stupid specs giving mi prob liao.. wondering if its an increase in my degrees not.. sharks.. right now, i cant see everything clearly.. everything is in a blurr..
zzzzzz
One word to sum up tt day, BAD
After the horrible incident, went to work half heartedly..
eyes were so sore that i had to wear my specs.. was totalli in a sian mood.. dear called mi after lunch.. and i poured out everything to him.. to the extent that i was crying in the office.. I told him that i was in a super bad mood tt day.. so whoever comes to tease mi or disturb mi sure get a hell of scolding from mi.. plus he wont be joining us for dinner.. so there's no one there who can make mi smile..
But indeed, after toking to him.. i was ok.. Called him happily after my work.. he made mi veri touched.. he actualli called rh just to inform him tt i am in a bad mood so dont keep disturbing mi.. but in the end rh not going cos he's sick..
Suddenly, i realised tt my dear wans the best for mi.. he would do almost everything just to make mi happi.. I feel so stupid thinking tt way ytd.. But in the end, i stil know how much i meant to him and how much he meant to mi.. its just the emotional and negative mi taking over ytd.. so.. haha.. stupid mi...
went to meet up wif spencer at Funan.. On the way there, i chance upon this veri rude auntie.. was damn pissed off..
spencer managed to make mi laugh till i forgot my worries la.. he jitao lame like shit lo.. -_-
Meet up wif biwei and charlene, off we went to citylink.. cos i keep niaming tt i wanna get sth for my dear.. actualli aim veri long le.. but my plans always got spoil by tt boi.. -_- so finalli can go buy le.. haha..
went over to meet up wif the rest.. details not to be mentioned.. cos i also dont know how to elaborate..
went over to can cafe to chit chat.. but in the end, left onli mi hanz and spencer.. haha.. realli did talk abt some interesting topics wif them.. this time on more serious stuffs like social manners, psychology, slping manners, listeners, etc..
so sad tt i did not see my dear tt day.. =(
//Saturday
slept all the way till 3 in the afternoon..
was alreadi awake le.. but i was playing wif my dear's phone n i just dont wanna go out wif my room..
woke up and met up wif wee, spencer, rh and cindy at bugis.. had dinner and went over to can cafe chit chat again..
Decided to go over my hse stay tt night.. dont feel like staying at home.. but the main reasons is tt i wanna spend more time wif him.. lol..
Anyway, rh explained to mi wat he said to dear tt day..
saying tt in the near future.. i would be more playful and would not wan to be tied down by him.. -_-
lol.. i just told him mayb.. cos i find it kinda pointless to explain to him and i also dont know how to explain the feeling inside mi.. so haha.. dont care..
Actualli, all the while was hoping tt my dear would call mi so he could join us.. then he realli called !! lol.. pass him the singlet tt i bought for him.. haha.. =p
//Sunday
woke up and rushed home.. cos meeting up wif cp..
kinda sad to see my mom and bro quarreling the moment i got home.. i jitao bo hui.. changed packed my stuffs and went off le..
Went to watch the island wif my dear... its a damn freaking fantastic show !! u all should go watch it.. highly recommended... nice plot.. nice characters.. nice visual effects.. it might seems boring to some as its kinda abt dna, clones thingy.. but the story line is well-written.. entertaining to every small part..
went to holland v n get naruto cd from rh before going for dinner..
After wards.. its home time.. tired... stupid specs giving mi prob liao.. wondering if its an increase in my degrees not.. sharks.. right now, i cant see everything clearly.. everything is in a blurr..
zzzzzz
Friday, July 29, 2005
Last time i used to think that i have to be a fillial daughter and all.. But now i just cant.. I have tried for so mani years.. Till today, i finally know i cant..
Wats the use of trying to put myself in her shoes.. when she doesnt even try to understand my situation at all..
I know that she's tight on cash.. so i made a mental note.. i would set aside a sum of money each month for her.. even how tight i am.. i would stil give it to her..
I know i havent been spending much time at home.. so yea.. i tried to make it up to her.. sometimes just sitting down and talk.. but often these small talks lead to arguments.. i get tired..
I treated her to dinner cos i know its a long time since i ate wif her.. and yet, the comments i got was tt why did i waste money...
I know she's worried for mi.. and its natural.. so i compromise.. i inform her of my whereabouts.. but each time i give in a step.. she take advantage of it.. and take a bigger step of controlling mi.. Till a point i start to back away..
I know she's heartbroken over some things.. so i always listen to her.. and even encourage her to go out more often to relax herself..
And yet, for all these.. in the end.. she said tt i hated her... it realli hurt mi alot.. no matter the indifference i felt from the way she treated mi compared to my brother.. it didnt hurt as much...
This time i am realli hurt... my tears cant help falling down..
I know this time.. its gonna affect mi alot.. its gonna even affect the way i see things now.. i am trying not to let it change mi..
I am sick of everything.. its always over money tt spark off all the arguments.. what the hell..
I need someone by my side.. I wanna look for him.. I know maybe he's tired.. But.. suddenly i felt so un-loved.. No calls to ask if i am home safely.. Not even a msg.. I know i cant blame him.. cos i did not tell him abt wats going on now.. I am so tired of speaking my mind.. I used to seek comfort in myself.. bcos i believe that no one understands mi more than myself.. and i know i have the power to control my emotions and thoughts.. right now, I just cant find the power anymore.. I dont know who i can seek comfort in anymore.. Suddenly, everything seems so empty.. Everything within mi seems gone..
I want to be understanding... n i try so hard to be.. But fuck.. for once, can anyone even understand how i feel right now?? I guess not...
Wats the use of trying to put myself in her shoes.. when she doesnt even try to understand my situation at all..
I know that she's tight on cash.. so i made a mental note.. i would set aside a sum of money each month for her.. even how tight i am.. i would stil give it to her..
I know i havent been spending much time at home.. so yea.. i tried to make it up to her.. sometimes just sitting down and talk.. but often these small talks lead to arguments.. i get tired..
I treated her to dinner cos i know its a long time since i ate wif her.. and yet, the comments i got was tt why did i waste money...
I know she's worried for mi.. and its natural.. so i compromise.. i inform her of my whereabouts.. but each time i give in a step.. she take advantage of it.. and take a bigger step of controlling mi.. Till a point i start to back away..
I know she's heartbroken over some things.. so i always listen to her.. and even encourage her to go out more often to relax herself..
And yet, for all these.. in the end.. she said tt i hated her... it realli hurt mi alot.. no matter the indifference i felt from the way she treated mi compared to my brother.. it didnt hurt as much...
This time i am realli hurt... my tears cant help falling down..
I know this time.. its gonna affect mi alot.. its gonna even affect the way i see things now.. i am trying not to let it change mi..
I am sick of everything.. its always over money tt spark off all the arguments.. what the hell..
I need someone by my side.. I wanna look for him.. I know maybe he's tired.. But.. suddenly i felt so un-loved.. No calls to ask if i am home safely.. Not even a msg.. I know i cant blame him.. cos i did not tell him abt wats going on now.. I am so tired of speaking my mind.. I used to seek comfort in myself.. bcos i believe that no one understands mi more than myself.. and i know i have the power to control my emotions and thoughts.. right now, I just cant find the power anymore.. I dont know who i can seek comfort in anymore.. Suddenly, everything seems so empty.. Everything within mi seems gone..
I want to be understanding... n i try so hard to be.. But fuck.. for once, can anyone even understand how i feel right now?? I guess not...
Wednesday, July 27, 2005
I caught a cold !! Muahaha.. lolz..
Didnt go work ytd.. cos my nose was like a loose tap.. non-stop flowy.. haha.. and to make it worse.. my head was pounding.. -faintz-
Took the flu med and went back to slp.. By the time i woke up i was alreadi ok le.. hehe.. Slacked around and went back to slp again.. Muahaha.. Met my piggy after his work and we went to pig out at Tiong Bahru Hawker.. Nice Food !! Haha.. Tired day despite the whole day slping.. went home ko immediately.. zzzz
Today woke up feeling more worse.. throat dry and all.. flu again.. My stupid quilt just cant keep mi warm.. gonna buy a new one when i got spare cash lolx.. meanwhile i would just dream of having a nice warm slp.. it would be doubly nice if my dearie is there to hug hug mi to slp..
-dreaming away again-
Busy day at work.. cut myself alot of times while packing the files.. and i am damn irritated with myself !! my favourite jacket was spoilt !! sianz.. went home and treated my mom to string ray n lala.. lol.. had dinner wif her.. then my dearie came over to find mi cos his camp's happi hour or sth lidat ended early.. so happi to see him !! haha..
I promise that you'll be my one, my only everything..
I promise that for your love, I will do anything.. I really will.. =)
Didnt go work ytd.. cos my nose was like a loose tap.. non-stop flowy.. haha.. and to make it worse.. my head was pounding.. -faintz-
Took the flu med and went back to slp.. By the time i woke up i was alreadi ok le.. hehe.. Slacked around and went back to slp again.. Muahaha.. Met my piggy after his work and we went to pig out at Tiong Bahru Hawker.. Nice Food !! Haha.. Tired day despite the whole day slping.. went home ko immediately.. zzzz
Today woke up feeling more worse.. throat dry and all.. flu again.. My stupid quilt just cant keep mi warm.. gonna buy a new one when i got spare cash lolx.. meanwhile i would just dream of having a nice warm slp.. it would be doubly nice if my dearie is there to hug hug mi to slp..
-dreaming away again-
Busy day at work.. cut myself alot of times while packing the files.. and i am damn irritated with myself !! my favourite jacket was spoilt !! sianz.. went home and treated my mom to string ray n lala.. lol.. had dinner wif her.. then my dearie came over to find mi cos his camp's happi hour or sth lidat ended early.. so happi to see him !! haha..
I promise that you'll be my one, my only everything..
I promise that for your love, I will do anything.. I really will.. =)
Monday, July 25, 2005
today i realli had a great time.. cos i get to see my piggy.. lol.. (as if i havent seen him for a long time) ha.. but i just miss him..
Busy day at work.. start to pack my cabinets.. sort all the files into boxes for shifting.. damn heavy.. shit.. packed till i forget abt time.. and tio niam by valerie to go home.. haha.. always like the big "mama" to tell mi go have lunch break.. n dont come back so early.. hahaha..
So happi that my new desk will be located just beside her n not some other weirdos in the company hee..
met up wif my dear after work !!! so happi to see him.. and i m jumping around like a small kid.. muahaha.. yup yup, i got my pouch to put my toiletries le.. and i got my white belt !! hee.. plus a big bag of candies for mi to bring to company.. yipee !!
had dinner at phin's steakhouse.. lol.. i think dar's gonna boycott tt restaurant le.. cos well, the service kinda sucks haha..
shopped around for my shoes.. cant believe it.. my two slip-ons spoilt le.. and at the same time.. -faintz-
erm.. actualli i do have lotsa things to blog about.. i feel that my frens are not happi.. realli..
i dont wanna say much..
jus feel tt everyone should do some reflection on themselves.. not onli for themselves but for their loved ones too..
for those whu can catch wat i m saying.. ya.. good for u..
for those whu cant.. just a simple msg across that no one is perfect..
Dont give expecting ppl to do things for u.. u cant always take and not give.. it applies to every relationship.. whether with ur parents, frens, bf or gf..
I am sad when i see ppl dont treasure their frens around them..
People always take for granted tt as frens, we should follow each other's flows.. But true frens are when u correct him/her for their mistake and yet at the end of the day, no argument jus stronger bonds betw u two..
And for those who are suffering heart breaks now..
I really dont know how i can help to ease ur pain..
I understand how u all feel.. But believe mi, time will do everything. time will heal all wounds..
Dont force yourself to forget tt someone just cos u think u will be better off tt way.. Do u know by forcing urself to do sth u dont wish to.. Its even more painful than thinking abt tt person..
I guess the only thing i can do is to be there for u.. lend a listening ear to you when u need it.. I dont mind if u vent all ur emotions on mi.. realli i dont.. as long as i know at the end of e day, u feel better.. i m happi..
of cos, there are some frens of mine tt is in their happi world.. lol..
Jus like mi, they have found the one and only person that can make them smile all day long..
But u know, dont forget ur frens also.. cos they will be the ones whu will go thru the recovery road with u should anything bad happens..
I know i might have neglected some of my frens.. though i know they understand.. but yea.. i am trying to build up the frendship once again..
I just wanna sth to one of my frenx..
I know you are sad.. I know you are helpless.. I know you regretted everything..
I am sad for you.. I am angry for you.. I feel helpless for you..
I am shocked that u called mi late at night.. Even more shocked when i heard u cry.. But i am happi, cos u called mi the first thing when u are feeling sad.. It means i am the first person tt came to ur mind..
I tried to console u.. but i know i did not do it properly.. Lotsa things i wanted to tell u.. but i think u wouldnt take it in at ur emotion state now.. Right from the start, I did not have a good impression of her.. I am sure u know.. She proved mi right time after time again wif her actions.. But i am willing to accept her as ur gf.. bcos i know u love her deeply.. As a fren, I give u all my blessings..
And now, I told u tt letting go of this r/s is a wise choice.. But i know tts not u want.. bcos of the overwhelming love i felt from you to her.. So I will support ur choice.. and since i encouraged you to do so.. i am prepared that if u fall again.. i will be there to catch hold of u.. and be ur pillar till u stand up again.. =)
I know i am lucky.. i have a bunch of great frens around mi.. I have such a great bf tt gives mi all the love i need.. Yesterday, he asked mi if i felt pressurized by his love.. i dont know why.. Just the mere tot of this qns put a smile on my face.. I dont know how to express the feelings i felt..
But i know i love him more and more each day..
I know we had our unhappy times, breaks my heart everytime an argument starts..But i am glad at the end, things are resolved..
And i was just wondering.. how can anyone feel pressurized by an overwhelming love.. thats when I suddenly tot of an answer..
Yes u can get pressured, when u dont love tt person tt much, tts when u will feel its tiring.. irritating.. u wanna break free.. but u cant.. cos u wanna be loved as well..
I know my answer.. I dont feel pressurized.. I dont feel irritated.. I dont find it tiring.. and i do not wanna break free..
Can anyone understand wat i am saying? lolx..
Nv have i tot tt i could love someone so deeply..
tt i would meet someone like u..
Nv tot tt u would be by my side..
(actualli tot b4, but stil cant believe it, Muahaha..)
Nv knew I could feel like this, I could fall in love all over again each time i see you..
Nv have i been so happi all my life.. that i actualli crave to see u every day..
Nv would i be so willing to put down my playful character just cos u are the one that i wanna settle down for..
Nv had i been such a "sore player".. I cant afford to lose.. I am afraid of losing..
I 'll Never Stop Loving You...
Busy day at work.. start to pack my cabinets.. sort all the files into boxes for shifting.. damn heavy.. shit.. packed till i forget abt time.. and tio niam by valerie to go home.. haha.. always like the big "mama" to tell mi go have lunch break.. n dont come back so early.. hahaha..
So happi that my new desk will be located just beside her n not some other weirdos in the company hee..
met up wif my dear after work !!! so happi to see him.. and i m jumping around like a small kid.. muahaha.. yup yup, i got my pouch to put my toiletries le.. and i got my white belt !! hee.. plus a big bag of candies for mi to bring to company.. yipee !!
had dinner at phin's steakhouse.. lol.. i think dar's gonna boycott tt restaurant le.. cos well, the service kinda sucks haha..
shopped around for my shoes.. cant believe it.. my two slip-ons spoilt le.. and at the same time.. -faintz-
erm.. actualli i do have lotsa things to blog about.. i feel that my frens are not happi.. realli..
i dont wanna say much..
jus feel tt everyone should do some reflection on themselves.. not onli for themselves but for their loved ones too..
for those whu can catch wat i m saying.. ya.. good for u..
for those whu cant.. just a simple msg across that no one is perfect..
Dont give expecting ppl to do things for u.. u cant always take and not give.. it applies to every relationship.. whether with ur parents, frens, bf or gf..
I am sad when i see ppl dont treasure their frens around them..
People always take for granted tt as frens, we should follow each other's flows.. But true frens are when u correct him/her for their mistake and yet at the end of the day, no argument jus stronger bonds betw u two..
And for those who are suffering heart breaks now..
I really dont know how i can help to ease ur pain..
I understand how u all feel.. But believe mi, time will do everything. time will heal all wounds..
Dont force yourself to forget tt someone just cos u think u will be better off tt way.. Do u know by forcing urself to do sth u dont wish to.. Its even more painful than thinking abt tt person..
I guess the only thing i can do is to be there for u.. lend a listening ear to you when u need it.. I dont mind if u vent all ur emotions on mi.. realli i dont.. as long as i know at the end of e day, u feel better.. i m happi..
of cos, there are some frens of mine tt is in their happi world.. lol..
Jus like mi, they have found the one and only person that can make them smile all day long..
But u know, dont forget ur frens also.. cos they will be the ones whu will go thru the recovery road with u should anything bad happens..
I know i might have neglected some of my frens.. though i know they understand.. but yea.. i am trying to build up the frendship once again..
I just wanna sth to one of my frenx..
I know you are sad.. I know you are helpless.. I know you regretted everything..
I am sad for you.. I am angry for you.. I feel helpless for you..
I am shocked that u called mi late at night.. Even more shocked when i heard u cry.. But i am happi, cos u called mi the first thing when u are feeling sad.. It means i am the first person tt came to ur mind..
I tried to console u.. but i know i did not do it properly.. Lotsa things i wanted to tell u.. but i think u wouldnt take it in at ur emotion state now.. Right from the start, I did not have a good impression of her.. I am sure u know.. She proved mi right time after time again wif her actions.. But i am willing to accept her as ur gf.. bcos i know u love her deeply.. As a fren, I give u all my blessings..
And now, I told u tt letting go of this r/s is a wise choice.. But i know tts not u want.. bcos of the overwhelming love i felt from you to her.. So I will support ur choice.. and since i encouraged you to do so.. i am prepared that if u fall again.. i will be there to catch hold of u.. and be ur pillar till u stand up again.. =)
I know i am lucky.. i have a bunch of great frens around mi.. I have such a great bf tt gives mi all the love i need.. Yesterday, he asked mi if i felt pressurized by his love.. i dont know why.. Just the mere tot of this qns put a smile on my face.. I dont know how to express the feelings i felt..
But i know i love him more and more each day..
I know we had our unhappy times, breaks my heart everytime an argument starts..But i am glad at the end, things are resolved..
And i was just wondering.. how can anyone feel pressurized by an overwhelming love.. thats when I suddenly tot of an answer..
Yes u can get pressured, when u dont love tt person tt much, tts when u will feel its tiring.. irritating.. u wanna break free.. but u cant.. cos u wanna be loved as well..
I know my answer.. I dont feel pressurized.. I dont feel irritated.. I dont find it tiring.. and i do not wanna break free..
Can anyone understand wat i am saying? lolx..
Nv have i tot tt i could love someone so deeply..
tt i would meet someone like u..
Nv tot tt u would be by my side..
(actualli tot b4, but stil cant believe it, Muahaha..)
Nv knew I could feel like this, I could fall in love all over again each time i see you..
Nv have i been so happi all my life.. that i actualli crave to see u every day..
Nv would i be so willing to put down my playful character just cos u are the one that i wanna settle down for..
Nv had i been such a "sore player".. I cant afford to lose.. I am afraid of losing..
I 'll Never Stop Loving You...
Sunday, July 24, 2005
hehe.. many days since i blog..
went to sentosa to pitch tent wif ronghua, cindy, spencer, charlene, chee wee and apple on sat.. of cos got mi n my dar.. its a stupid saturday, i was having one of the so-called unlucky days.. step into a muddy spot and nearly fall.. walked out on to the road nearly got bang by car.. etc.. so i was kinda in my pms stupid mood again..
i know i made my dear sian.. cos i myself was feeling so down.. but i apologized to him !!! and after awhile, yesh, he cheered mi up once again.. Hee..
Sorrie dear dear !! =(
supposingly, going to suntan and play at the beach today.. but its raining!! stupid rainy season.. hiak.. lol..
After which all of us went to eat sakae !!! yummi !! hehe..
went over to my dear's hse.. ko !! cos was veri veri tired...
zzzzzzz
online and started toking plus disturbing ppl.. muahahha.. well, saw afew ppl's blog..
suddenly i feel so loved by him... n i just wanna be the last girl for him.. lolx.. i can never put in words how i feel abt him.. lol..
I love my dear !!! =)
no one can snatch him away from mi !!! i will box whoever who does tt.. Muahaha..
and ky.. pls dont anyhow think ar.. U got to be strong k.. Though i realli dont know wat to say when u called mi.. I felt ur pain n hurt.. Believe mi.. U are a great guy and there are girls more worthy of ur love.. seriously hope tt u will find ur happiness just like mi.. =)
---Photos---
tts mi and my Charlene Gal..
Cindy and Charlene !!
Stupid Spencer wif his stupid actions..
n the early morning view ! nice !
Eating our breakfast..
n yes, even onli a breakfast.. he can come up wif stupid actions..
haha.. we made the tent collapse while he is inside !! Muahaha..
n i was playing around wif the big lime green shoes tt belongs to Spencer !!!
Due to boredom(cos of the rain), we started taking pics and doing stupid things..
Sushi Time !!!
n this funni photo tt dear took! lol..
Photos that Az sent mi tt we took on Fri..
Mi and my Dear !!
n mi n zhen.. Muahaha.. Kenneth said i look nice in this photo! haha..
and tts all folks !!!!
I just have a simple.. I want to get rid of my recent bad temper and bring him happiness.. =)
went to sentosa to pitch tent wif ronghua, cindy, spencer, charlene, chee wee and apple on sat.. of cos got mi n my dar.. its a stupid saturday, i was having one of the so-called unlucky days.. step into a muddy spot and nearly fall.. walked out on to the road nearly got bang by car.. etc.. so i was kinda in my pms stupid mood again..
i know i made my dear sian.. cos i myself was feeling so down.. but i apologized to him !!! and after awhile, yesh, he cheered mi up once again.. Hee..
Sorrie dear dear !! =(
supposingly, going to suntan and play at the beach today.. but its raining!! stupid rainy season.. hiak.. lol..
After which all of us went to eat sakae !!! yummi !! hehe..
went over to my dear's hse.. ko !! cos was veri veri tired...
zzzzzzz
online and started toking plus disturbing ppl.. muahahha.. well, saw afew ppl's blog..
suddenly i feel so loved by him... n i just wanna be the last girl for him.. lolx.. i can never put in words how i feel abt him.. lol..
I love my dear !!! =)
no one can snatch him away from mi !!! i will box whoever who does tt.. Muahaha..
and ky.. pls dont anyhow think ar.. U got to be strong k.. Though i realli dont know wat to say when u called mi.. I felt ur pain n hurt.. Believe mi.. U are a great guy and there are girls more worthy of ur love.. seriously hope tt u will find ur happiness just like mi.. =)
---Photos---
tts mi and my Charlene Gal..
Cindy and Charlene !!
Stupid Spencer wif his stupid actions..
n the early morning view ! nice !
Eating our breakfast..
n yes, even onli a breakfast.. he can come up wif stupid actions..
haha.. we made the tent collapse while he is inside !! Muahaha..
n i was playing around wif the big lime green shoes tt belongs to Spencer !!!
Due to boredom(cos of the rain), we started taking pics and doing stupid things..
Sushi Time !!!
n this funni photo tt dear took! lol..
Photos that Az sent mi tt we took on Fri..
Mi and my Dear !!
n mi n zhen.. Muahaha.. Kenneth said i look nice in this photo! haha..
and tts all folks !!!!
I just have a simple.. I want to get rid of my recent bad temper and bring him happiness.. =)
Thursday, July 21, 2005
Happi
3rd
Month
Dar !!!!!!!
On the contrary to the previous post, I had super busy and stressful days this week, and i believed that it will get worse over the next few weeks cos my company's shifting to a new location.
Lotsa things not done, files and stacks of documents not packed at all. Its only today that i know i have two whole cabinets filled of files, nearly fainted when i saw everything.. Pengz !
Been feeling veri stressed up lately, whether its over my work, or my frenz or my relationship or my family.. bits and pieces all add up..
i dont know is it over these that cause my temper to get real bad.. I start to feel easily irritated by my mum.. things she do will always seem to be of a redundancy to mi.. etc. I really hope that i can curb this temper of mine, cos i know its not going to bring mi any good. I lost my temper to my boss today also, cos things are just so dis-organised there; Bcos of tt, when i searched back old records, i took a super long time to search thru everything, to make it worse, requests for changes, enhancements, etc kept coming in.. OICs kept coming up to check with my old records.. more unclosed and unsettled cases for mi to handle.. procedures to draft out.. meetings minutes to review.. In-house project comments to compute.. and the list goes on.. the end result? my desk was crowded with documents, old records, new requests.. I was damn frustrated by the sight of it..
Met up wif bob after work today to get back my slping bag.. thanks for making the trip all the way down.. =)
Went off to meet up wif Dar, cos he's going to subscribe to cable.. Passed him the hp chain tt i made for him.. cos he lost the previous one tt i did for him.. lol.. i like it veri much !!! the encravings are so delicate and nice !! oh well, damn it, its no surprise.. its as if he can read my mind and i can read his mind.. he jitao ask mi is it i bought sth for him out of the blue, I sian diao.. -_-"""
After which, rushed down to Bp Plaza to get his contacts, and da bao dinner back to my hse to eat cos we wanted to catch Superstar. lolx.
Is it that i stupid or blur or dumb or idiotic or slow or retarded or watever, that i realli cant understand wat he is trying to bring across, and thus leading to his frustration... dont know.. -shrugs- sometimes i really do wonder.. am i really tt slow and stupid?
Well, supposed to be a happy day ritez.. But i m not.. I dont know why.. just not.. everything doesnt seems to be right.. can someone just explain it to mi.. can all the unhappiness just go away.. can i lead a simple life.. I am not greedy.. I just wish to be happy.. and yet, its just the toughest thing to get, dont u agree?